"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
