There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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