listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
