i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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