The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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