we have pet lesbian snakes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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