hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
