I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
