my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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