Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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