I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
