Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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