Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
