your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
