Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
