Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
