So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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