for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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