I seem to have left my pride at pride
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
