Your face is a jimmy john
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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