We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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