my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
