This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
