new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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