fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
