I feel like I'm in dance class right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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