I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
