Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
