I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
