i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
