How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize