Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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