First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize