wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
