Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
