I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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