woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
