You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
