Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
try to milk me bitch
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