you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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