what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
