how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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