Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
