you lied. pity sex is amazing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
