I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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