JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize