can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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