Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
