Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
