I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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