I bet he comes in French.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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