i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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