my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
