Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.

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(314): View more from Missouri

In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

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(773): View more from Illinois

btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.

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