i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
