About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
