Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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