for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
