honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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