how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize