I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
