there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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