mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
