oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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