we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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