listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
