I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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