Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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