I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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