Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
