i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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