I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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