Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
