YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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