Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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