Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
