Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
