Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
