Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
