Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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